It Has Been A Long Time Hasn't It?

Ok, I’m back… from outer space… I’ve spent the last two weeks doing an ‘engagement’ with our Symantec Vendor that has required a lot of hours from my days and some nights so that’s my excuse for the absence of ‘Twisty’. I’ve missed all of you… (all 3 of you) and I am back. I promise to get caught up on your sites as soon as possible. Not a lot has happened in the last couple weeks other than currently a friend of mine has flown in from Minnesota to visit. I still have no working lawnmower/weed whacker (see previous post) so the yard is slowly going to shit. I’ve yet to talk to my father (I spent the weekend 2 weeks ago trying to call him or my step mother) and I think I give up. There are no hidden stories or aggressions between us other than I think he forgot I exist. He is about the hardest person in the world to reach. I think I have a better chance to get in touch with the P.O.T.U.S. I have still remembered to check Jen’s site every Thursday… well just because I couldn’t stand to miss her HNT but other than looking at the pictures and drooling I’ve not had time to actually read anything. (Sounds like she’s in the same category as most men’s Playboys now.) Don’t really know what to put on here other than all of that but I’m sure I’ll think of something about the time I click the ‘post’ button. -Twisty miss me?

Insert Smile Here (regardless of your real feelings)

Ok, I know I havent been here all week. I have a great excuse I really do! Ok, I don't. My life hasnt been any worse than its been in the previous months that I did post during so no excuse. I did have a really bad day on Wednesday but I handled it exceptionally well considering. I left work only to find something catching my eye in my back yard as I drove past. It was my gas can. Bright red sitting there outside my storage closet door mocking me with it's bright 'reddery-ness'. "Well damn, the roomate left the storage door open after mowing the lawn." I circle around also fearing worse. I mosey back there to find that my $270 lawnmower and $130 weed 'whacker' missing. My blower that someone had given me (not working condition yet) AND my brand new (never been used) Skil' saw also missing. "Stupid #%$&*#$S!" I rolled my eyes and headed on in to work. Nothing I could do at that moment. Called the police when I got home and filed the report. Nothing has turned up at the local pawn shop yet. Spoke to a detective this morning who had thought he found something but turns out it wasnt mine. I hate people that break into and/or steal shit from others because the sorry MF are too lazy to work for their own shit. I dont hope they get caught. I hope they lose a hand or foot to the lawnmower, THEN bleed out a slow death. I wish no lighter than that. I dont care if they are 13 or 30, I'm sick of this kind of BS. But again, I handled it well on the outside. I smiled and carried on my day and up until now, only getting progressively more pissed because my yard is starting to look like a jungle. Idiots! My long lost family... Have you seen me? Call my fasha! -Sigh -Twisty

Remember Me?

Remember this guy? Icon of the 80's and devil without a cause? This is how I feel today. Long night and it is just making me evil. Can I be evil today? The end is nigh folks and I feel the shudder of resentment from all I come into contact with. I feel a disturbance in the force.... -Twisty

Purina Diet

I have a Beagle and a "Wiener" dog and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. -As usual... it was your pleasure -TwistedSmartAss

Meetings Bore Me

Ok, I was in a meeting from about 0900 yesterday until about 1730. Here are a few of my scribbled thoughts... while in the meeting: "I sit in a meeting (yes at this very monent!) and I am wishing I had a dental or proctology appointment to go to. I am here as a technical advisor and these women will not let it (the discussion) move from the political side to my side so basically I am hearing over and over again about how our branch tellers "have too many things to do or how they wont do it right." "Arun" the tech advisor from the vendor (bless his heart) is patiently putting up with these women.. (mental note:) he must be married. I am fighting my boredom by trying to keep a straight face every time he says "MICR" which in the banking world is pronounced as "micker". Know that "Arun" has a thick Indian accent. It's just too funny. Good guy though. His partner keeps shutting him down too. Been here since 0900, it is now 1520 and I "THINK" we are about to finally get technical....." There ya go, a day in the life of me well part of a day after I'd reached the point of going into the whole /wrist thing. -Twisty